1
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
HERE IS THE STORY OF HOW I GOT MY DICK STUCK IN A FREEZER: A THREAD pic.twitter.com/C3PXup30J0
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
Listen, your boy was 17 at the time so please be gentle with me. I was an idiot. My hormones were RAGING. I would’ve stuck my dick inside of a jelly donut if that meant I could cum. pic.twitter.com/6Bl11Wvedz
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
Anyway, I was popular in high school. Everyone liked me, especially the ladies because I was the tallest guy there and I could sing a little something, you know? So everyone was chasing after me, but there was this one girl I was trying to fuck, lets call her Mona Lisa. pic.twitter.com/HdL5QBcFTR
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
Mona Lisa was fine as fuck. She had nice eyes, a nice smile, she was just pretty as hell. I mean her body was cool too but her SMILE bro. I was so sprung on getting this girl. pic.twitter.com/StK9i1lsb9
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So one day, I was walking down the hall to my next class and Mona Lisa comes over and says “Hey, you’re Simon right?” And I go HELLLLLLLLYEAAAAAAHHHHHHHBROOOOOOOOOO THATS ME WOOF WOOF LETS GET IT (nah I really just said “Yeah, what’s up?”) pic.twitter.com/XEJ8B9ooF7
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So me and her start flirting and whatever and she tells me she isn’t trying to date but she has had a crush on me for a while so she wanted to know if I wanted to come over. AND SHE WINKED. BROOOOOO WHEN I TELL MY DICK SAID BOING YO I WAS HARD AS HELL. pic.twitter.com/28xc91LmSQ
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So she gives me her address and goes i’ll see you after school. BOY WHEN I TELL YOU I RACED OUT OF CLASS WHEN THE BELL RANG AT THE END OF THE DAY. I SUPER RACED TO HER HOUSE. (it was only down the street) I GOT THERE BEFORE SHE DID IT pic.twitter.com/Gpov92usiF
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I’m standing there, wiping off my sweat, making sure I got condoms, rubbing my cologne on my skin. I felt like if I fucked her good enough, she would give me a chance, you know? pic.twitter.com/IWPFoKs8BF
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So we go upstairs, we do foreplay and all that cute shit and then i get my condom out and she goes “let me put it on” so I give it to her and the condom RIPS AS SOON AS SHE TAKES IT OUT and she looks up at me like oops? pic.twitter.com/drBwxxfxJt
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
SO then she goes “It’s okay, I prefer it without the condom anyway” AND I LOOK AT HER LIKE MCUSE ME?! I AM NOT HAVING ANOTHER PREGNANCY SCARE LET ME GO RUN AND GET ANOTHER CONDOM. She was like “Nonono Simon, I’m on the pill”....... So my dumbass fucked her. pic.twitter.com/2ae8Vh1mFK
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
I KNOW THIS MAY NOT BE ALIGNING TO HOW MY DICK GETS IN THE FREEZER BUT BE PATIENT I CANT JUST JUMP INTO THIS pic.twitter.com/bRfoHNa4K2
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I’m laying there like “We are going to get married huh? Me and you are going to have some beautiful ass kids, huh?” And she turns to me and goes “Okay can you come out please, my 4 o’ clock dick appointment is coming soon.” pic.twitter.com/4hJKBOZ22A
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
And my pride was crushed. She used me for my dick. I was out here trying to date this girl and she just made me her 2 o’clock dick appointment. That’s cool though. That’s totally fine. I got up and left and walked home. pic.twitter.com/dskJ1jtWty
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So a few days pass and my notice that my dick starts to ache and shit. It burns out of no where. I’m like....... this wasn’t happening before. pic.twitter.com/EJWe2W9PTR
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I call my three best friends, who is are also guys, and I say “Bro’s let me ask you, has your dick ever started hurting after sex?” and the line gets silent and then one them go “Bro you got a STD” pic.twitter.com/6wRGejpyDy
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I’m laying there in my bed like “........ An STD?” and my other friend said “BRO BRO YOU GOT CRABS BRO! YOUR DICK IS SICK BRO!” and I just..... I was so disappointed in myself. pic.twitter.com/a9RkKRtacI
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So my last bro goes “HEY YO READ ONLINE THAT IF YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN THE FREEZER IT KILLS ALL THE BACTERIA IN YOUR CUM AND FREEZES IT SO WHEN YOU PEE IT ALL COMES OUT” pic.twitter.com/ySa6MTdpkv
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME NOW? NO! BUT AS A 17 YEAR OLD BOY WHO POSSIBLY HAD CRABS AND WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX IN THE FIRST PLACE, THAT SOUNDED LIKE IT CAME FROM THE TOP DOCTOR IN THE WORLD. SO I RAN MY ASS DOWNSTAIRS AND PUT MY PEEPEE IN THE FREEZER pic.twitter.com/JNXDCvtOyZ
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I’m standing there, dick in the freezer, hands on my waist, waiting for the bacteria to burn. He told me to wait 2 hours. PAY ATTENTION I HAVE IT RESTING AGAINST THE DOOR. pic.twitter.com/vFoENOVqfZ
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
And it comes time for me to put my dick out and I can’t.. move.. like I keep tugging to take my dick out and I just.. can’t.. MOVE pic.twitter.com/T2tDw21mWT
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
SO I REACH OVER AND TOUCH MY DICK AND ITS TURNING BLUE AND ITS STUCK TO THE INSIDE OF THE FREEZER AND I AM JUST STANDING THERE LIKE: pic.twitter.com/VQuqM4ycAK
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
SO THEN I HEAR THE FRONT DOOR OPEN AND I START PANICKING BECAUSE FIRST MY CRUSH REJECTED ME, I HAVE CRABS, MY DICK IS STUCK TO THE FREEZER AND NOW IM GOING TO GET MY ASS BEAT?!! pic.twitter.com/Jo5JqSCZ97
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So the person walks into the kitchen and sees me, dick in the freezer and just stares. It’s my older brother. The same one who saved my ass the last time. And He’s just sitting there like.. “Si...” pic.twitter.com/DpAbZUALma
 Expand pic
𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 @ARDORNJ
So I just look at him with tears in my eyes and go “Help me” pic.twitter.com/tLWk4C3tDN
 Expand pic
Load Remaining (5)
Login and hide ads.