The 100 Funniest Tweets of 2010

In the wake of the year's 10 Most Powerful Tweets and 10 Most Retweeted Tweets, here are the 100 funniest. This list was compiled using ratings from and
funnytweets 2010 100 funniest tweets
Fake AP Stylebook @FakeAPStylebook
Avoid corporate buzzwords such as "paradigm" and "synergy." Simply use "bullshit."
My dog has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him 'Government'.
plemur: space pirate @plemur
I think it's important to remember that woman aren't sex objects; women are sex people.
It's not the "my boobs are bigger than yours!" taunt. It's the way my brother says it.
Niki @NikiWithIssues
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"
Adam Lisagor @adamlisagor
Celebrating the stuff without all the comments, it just dawns on me: TWITTER IS THE COMMENTS WITHOUT ALL THE STUFF. I just blew your mind.
John Gruber @gruber
Apparently I’ve switched to a mobile carrier named “Searching…”.
Scott Simpson @scottsimpson
Know a good divorce lawyer? My wife just told me she was at Target. But on Google Street View, her car is CLEARLY VISIBLE in our driveway.
Theresa C. @theresa_lauren
Life would probably be easier if I were good at things.
Chris Pinckney @cpinck
Motels 1 through 5 must’ve been real dumps.
I really need to hit the treadmill tonight after eating so poorly today and yesterday and the last 25 years.
Shari VanderWerf @shariv67
I went to donate blood today, but they said they didn't want it in a Ziploc baggie, and also it had to be mine.
Jelisa Castrodale @gordonshumway
When your mother asks if you are sexually active, the correct response is not "No, I just lie there."
Jason Mustian @jasonmustian
You can tell a lot about a person by reading her emails.
Avery Edison @aedison
Depression revealed as major cause of terrorism; TSA to start screening emotional baggage.
Maybe the Nazis wouldn't have been such assholes if they weren't left hanging for all their high fives.
My wife's been talking about wanting another baby but when I brought one home today, she totally FREAKED OUT! There's just no pleasing her.
Derek @FriedWords
"Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?" "Um, it's like that in every country, son."
thisguydoug @thisguydoug
I never regret things I haven't gretted at least once first.
polythene spam @BettyLies
"I'm such a dirty, dirty girl" sounds a lot better than "Too lazy to shower."
Chris @Spinchange
♫ When you click upon a star, your memes come true ♫
And don't even get me started on statements with no context.
Michael Pierce @OverlandParker
Before you go thinking I'm white trash maybe I should remind you that there's wine inside this styrofoam cup.
Mike Monteiro🌹 @monteiro
Pharmacist: “That’ll be $97.” Long pause. We both bust out laughing. “Have a good day, comrade.” he says, handing me the prescription.
Stephanie Barber @conanobrienswyf
I guess I should change my passwords since ********** is a common one. (I'm going to change it to *******)
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Kirk @ItsParto 23/01/2012 20:49:56 WIB
RT @FakeAPStylebook: Avoid corporate buzzwords such as "paradigm" and "synergy." Simply use "bullshit."
Mr Lee @Funny_Tweets_Ha 21/07/2012 02:36:01 WIB
This list is pretty good. Have you seen the funniest tweets of 2012 over at
Baso sechret @basoSecret 26/02/2013 07:24:34 WIB
いいぞ! もっとたくさん買えwww オタクだろうがなんだろうが、いっぱいモノ買って世の中に金を回すのは良い事だ
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