The Best of @SheBanggs
The most popular Tweets (according to Favstar.fm rankings) from @shebanggs
http://twitter.com/#!/SheBanggs
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My boyfriend only wants to meet my parents to see how I got so fucked up. My mom introducing the Moosehead as my "real father" won't help. -
I can't trust what my parents taught me, because there's no way they could have Google'd something before the internet.
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Today's been a tease, like hearing the opening bass riff of "Under Pressure" by Queen & Bowie turn into "Ice, Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice.
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If my boss finds me masturbating in the supply closet, I'll say "A real man would finish the job for me" so he's the one who's embarrassed.
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You can quote all the Bible verses you want in your status updates & God still isn't going to accept your friend request.
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Anyone who stops following me but stars some of my tweets is saying they're tired of dating me but still wants to fuck whenever I look hot.
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Since Monica Lewinsky doesn't want to cause a big scene at the Chelsea Clinton wedding, she's asked for a seat under the head table.
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My ex-boyfriend's face has been on milk cartons for years now. It's cute how some people still think he's "missing" & wasn't "buried alive".
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I throw a bucket of cold water on my boyfriend every morning to wake him up. I'm joking, I don't even have a boyfriend. Or running water.
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I always put both of my arms inside of my shirt when I'm pulled over because most officers will go easy on drivers who don't have any arms.
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A 90-Minute Conference Call? Yeah, there's a nap for that.
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I went & changed my Social Security Number from 867-53-0909 to 402-25-3398 because I don't want to become a victim of identity theft.
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When someone asks, "How are you?" I say, "5-7-8-3" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it.
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Some people freak the fuck out when they notice I've crawled in from under their restroom stall door just to ask, "What's in your wallet?"
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I walked up, closed my eyes & waited for him to finally kiss me. Instead he tried shoving a wafer in my mouth. Church is just weird.
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When someone starts telling me about their weekend, I immediately stare at the top of their head so they'll worry about their hair all day.
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Maybe the dingo just put your baby in a corner.
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Knowing my luck, I'll probably end up having one of those babies that would need to be fed every day.
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Sometimes I get so excited seeing a co-worker follow me on Twitter that I need to have a cigarette after clicking both block & report.
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It should have been you, Facebook.
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You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this tweet from a payphone.
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Mau Tanya sama @KPK_RI
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Nikah Beda Agama (#NBA) Dalam Islam Written by @Ulil
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